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How Long Is Right Now?

‘As long as it took you to read that headline. Or shorter. Or it might not exist at all….’

Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
Failure to follow all instructions and warnings can result in serious injury.
Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering.
Nontransferable and is the sole responsibility of the recipient.
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Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
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May be used as flotation device in case of emergency.
Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival.
No ideas were harmed in the making of this weblog.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
All questions answered, all answers questioned.
Detach and include upper portion with payment.
May incur damages arising from use or misuse.
Objects on screen are closer than they appear.
Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund.
Nutritional need is not established in humans.
Caution: do not swallow. May cause irritation.
Please inform author if you cannot read this.
Product is sold by weight and not by volume.
In emergency, break glass, pull down handle.
Contents may have settled during shipment.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Provided “as is” and without any warranties.
Caution! The edge is closer than you think.
Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing.
Prices subject to change without notice.
Subject to all applicable fees and taxes.
Freshest if used before date specified.
Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate.
Do not exceed recommended dosage.
If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.
Take two and call me in the morning.
Do not remove under penalty of law.
Valid only at participating locations.
You have the right to remain silent.
Warning, contents are flammable.
Subject to change without notice.
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Use only in well-ventilated areas.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
Alarm will sound if door opened.
You need not be present to win.
Additional parts sold separately.
Available for a limited time only.
You break it, you’ve bought it.
No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Keep out of reach of children.
Void where prohibited by law.
Apply only to affected areas.
Other restrictions may apply.
Part of a daily balanced diet.
You must be present to win.
First pull up, then pull down.
Close cover before striking.
Terms and conditions apply.
Do not think of an elephant.
Viewer discretion advised.
No purchase is necessary.
Caution, low-flying ideas.
Honk if you can read this.
Internet access required.
Wash hands after using.
Consume in moderation.
Limit one (1) per person.
Other restrictions apply.
Money-back guarantee.
Not a low-calorie food.
Your mileage may vary.
Don’t try this at home.
More taste, less filling.
Shake well before use.
Consume responsibly.
For external use only.
Mix well before using.
Store in a cool place.
Use only as directed.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Results not typical.
Ignore this notice.
Slippery when wet.
Same-day service.
Unplug after use.
No preservatives.
No trespassing.
No exit.
No.

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