11 Hard Questions For Bush

In which our columnist sits down with the prez for some truly tough talk. Can Dubya handle it?

“Dubya, as you’re apparently comfortable with the fact that more than 700 young U.S. soldiers have died in Iraq (over 125 this month alone!) and thousands more have been wounded and hundreds more will doubtlessly die in the coming months, not to mention the countless thousands of innocent Iraqi/Afghan civilians who’ve been killed, all as a result of your aggro-American policy to rid the world of all those who would stand in the way of your oily corporate stratagems, does this mean you are able to laugh in the face of death and mock the vagaries of time and fate?

Are you able, in other words, to transcend the physical body and the ego and attain a superhuman spiritual mastery of the earthly form? Are you a god? Or just a petty and small-minded warmonger controlled by thin-lipped master puppeteers? Did I just answer my own question?” — Mark Morford, SF Chronicle

You know me, always a sucker for some good derision directed in Dubya’s direction. Morford satisfies my thirst here… My scorn for Bush is being fueled just at this moment by the appalling dance of “disgust” at the exposure of American troops’ torture of Iraqi prisoners, with no acknowledgement of his responsibility, given that the arrogant swagger of the Boy King of the Free World’s unilateral contemptuous foreign policy translates directly into a mindset enabling — no, promoting — the attitude of the troops acting at his behest.

“You have a secret, Dubya. Deep down, you really don’t know the difference between Fallujah and a fajita. Shiites and Baathists? Sound vaguely familiar to your twangy Texas ear, reminding you of what you holler when you stub your toe and fall into the mud at the ranch: “Shee-yite! Now I need another bubble baath.” That joke always cracks you up.

This gul-dang Iraq mess has turned far more complicated and nasty and primal than Uncle Dick ever warned you it might. Don’t you wish you were back at Yale, hammered on rum and Cokes and dreamin’ ’bout baseball and playin’ Go Fish with Dad? Can you point to North Korea on a map? How about Vietnam? Never mind. “