Ten proposed new laws for this crisis [From Alan MacKay, courtesy of Sam Smith’s Undernews]:
- To buy an American flag, you must present proof you have voted at least
once in the last three elections (yes, local and state elections count). - To display an American flag in any form, you must present proof of voter
registration. - To wave an American flag in public, you must be able to name at least one
of the following: A. Your Senator B. Your Representative C. Your President
(“George Bush” does not count; ambiguous) - To sell any product with an American flag on it, you must answer the
following question: The Bill of Rights is part of: a) the Constitution; b) the
Magna Carta; c) the Declaration of Independence. - Those heard singing patriotic songs in public may be asked to show their
voter registration cards. - To be permitted to scream “Nuke Afghanistan,” you must be able to
correctly locate Afghanistan on a map or globe. - To be permitted to scream “Arabs go home,” you must list and correctly
locate ten Arab homelands. - Those who wish to express opinions about Arabs and Arab-Americans must
pass the following test: A. Those who follow the religion of Islam are
called: a) Moslems; b) Muslins; c) Fanatics . . . B. The holy book of Islam
is called: a) The Koran; b) The Koram; c) The Bible . . . C. In Arabic, God
is called: a) Ali; b) Allah; c) Jehovah - Priority for purchase of American flags will be given to those whose
ancestors lived on American soil the longest. When all American Indians who
wish to display the red, white and blue are satisfied, other applicants will
be accepted. - A call for war on any radio talk-show will be construed as a public
declaration of willingness to enlist in the US Army; callers will have 24
hours to complete the paperwork.
