“One of the toughest things about being a teacher is dealing with all the latest “syndromes” in our culture of victimization. Whenever a real problem like racism diminishes, there is always someone willing to redefine the problem to help maintain the population of “disadvantaged” Americans. This is usually followed by the invention of a new problem that actually increases the population of “disadvantaged” Americans. Consequently, victimization has become a growth industry that supplies more jobs for social workers despite their increasing irrelevance in relation to the real problems of modern society.

Often those fictional problems take the form of “disorders” like adult ADHD. I always know which of my students have been told that they suffer from adult ADHD. They are often late and sometimes leave class early to go potty, unlike most students who go potty before class begins. They blurt out the answers to my questions constantly – always without the courtesy of a raised hand. And, usually, they fall asleep in class (probably from exhaustion) after the fifteenth or twentieth interruption. Later, they are awakened by the cell phone they forgot to turn off before arriving in class.

After being diagnosed with ADHD, two things usually happen to the newly “disadvantaged” student. First, a psychologist tells the victim that he cannot pay attention nor control various impulses. Next, he is given a dosage of drugs. Neither one of these responses actually works. In fact, telling him that he cannot pay attention – rather than that he simply does not pay attention – usually reinforces the problem. The drugs don’t work because, again, the disorder is fictional.

But, fortunately, I have discovered a cure for students with this so-called disorder, which I am now sharing (free of charge, mind you) with my readers. Here’s how it works.

(…)

Psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, and social workers around the world will surely be angry with this present column – largely because it provides a rather simple solution to a rather simple problem. They will no doubt also be angry over my seemingly calloused attitude towards those who suffer from adult ADHD. But I choose not to pay attention to them – remember, paying attention is a choice for adults – until they answer a few simple questions. For example:

1. Why did my solution work so immediately and so effectively after, presumably, years of therapy and drug prescriptions failed?

2. Will you continue to use the term “irresistible impulse” to describe what is obviously merely an impulse not resisted?

3. Are you at all concerned that other fictional disorders will be exposed by other equally simple experiments?

4. How can one be a part of a helping profession, if he does not, first and foremost, help people to help themselves?

5. And, finally, what will happen if you ever win your war upon free will? Will you protect people from the prospect of failure? Or will you deprive people of the prospect of success? “