The Top Ten Theories About What Caused the East Coast Power Blackout:

10. Governor Gray Davis wanted to show that California’s mess wasn’t really his fault: see, there were blackouts on the East Coast too!

9. Overstressed computers in West Coast attempting to tabulate all the candidates for California Governor.

8. Osama bin Laden and his compatriots check into a motel in New Jersey and turn up the air conditioning *really* high.

7. All innocent persons on death row in Texas prison system electrocuted at once.

6. Justice Antonin Scalia seeks return to original conditions when Constitution was written.

5. Department of Homeland Security seeks to confuse terrorists by hiding location of New York City.

4. Liberal paranoia comes true as country is returned to Dark Ages.

3. Latest new excuse by Bill Clinton to explain to Hillary why he can’t make it home for dinner.

2. President Bush attempts to divert electricity from middle class to the wealthiest 1 percent.

1. Fox News sues Con Edison for trademark infringement for using the word ‘con.'”