How to Tell a Bad Movie From a Truly Bad Movie: “Bad films wear their ingredients the way soup labels do. To be really bad, a film should be pretentious and sententious. It should seek to change your life. (Anti- genius is 1 percent perspiration and 99 percent aspiration.) It should be, above all, humorless.” A Warner Bros. executive who wishes to remain nameless adds:

Locate the exit nearest you, she says, before screening any film directed by big-name male actors or Brian De Palma, any film that features Robin Williams in a beard, any film scored by John Williams, any film starring Juliette Binoche or Kevin Costner, any film that features Robin Williams clean-shaven, any film directed by a woman and proud of it, any film that features Robin Williams in a yarmulke and any film positively reviewed by anyone associated with National Public Radio.

New York Times