Fast-Forward Election: the way the debates were meant to be watched.

That

little FF button liberated me. No longer am I

enslaved by the spin doctors and news

analysts. No longer do I have to listen to the

what Bush and Gore actually say. In

fast-forward, it’s the more basic stuff of life.

You know, the nervous twitches, subliminal

thoughts and repetitious grimaces.

Sped up, Gore, with his quick and jutting

movements, is a cross between Max

Headroom and the Tin Man. He’s a twitchy

Vulcan struggling with “technical difficulties.”

Bush’s perpetually droopy grin shows a

conniving boy caught with his hand in the

cookie jar. He’s a used car salesman, asking

us: “Hey folks, what do I have to do to get

you to vote for me today?”

In double time, their running mates are also

transparently clear. Joseph Lieberman,

whose mouth moves but little else, is a

sappy ventriloquist’s dummy. Dick Cheney,

folded hands and sideways glances, is a

plotting old woman. Getting It